Randomstringsofwords's Blog

We are ALL truly unique and very similar.

randomstringsofwords — Sat, 23 May 2009 02:01:36 +0000

Really? Seriously? These are two of my favorite questions. People ask them all the time. What I like more than these questions are the ones that follow. Life has taught us all different ways to communicate, some of them effective, ineffective, valid, or invalid. All of them different. We all do the same thing for VERY different reasons and you CAN NOT assume the reasons are the same.

We are ALL truly unique and very similar.

We CAN all get along and STOP treating people like they owe us something.

Human or dancer

randomstringsofwords — Fri, 22 May 2009 23:29:17 +0000

I have recently acquired another “issue” for lack of a better term. Apparently my liver or gall bladder is ready for some one-on-one quality attention. So I’m paying it, because I am a huge fan of taking care of my shit. That may not be apparent to a lot of people who are casually in my life, but I know what I need to pay attention to and what I can ignore.

Two weeks ago I started having pains running from my belly button straight up two inches. It was a new pain, I have always had stomach issues and never felt a pain like this before. It was pretty mild, but obvious that something was wrong. I made a doctor’s appointment, but had to see the new partner who we will refer to as Super Hot Doctor. On Friday after he gave me a pelvic exam, Super Hot Doctor starts feeling around on my stomach and says that he thinks he feels a hernia. A few hours after I leave Super Hot Doctor in the dust, I develop two additional pains. One was to the right just under my rib cage and the other was lower down on the right close to my panty line. On Monday I made an appointment with my doctor for Wednesday. She isolated the pain to the liver or gall bladder, sent me for bloodwork, to pee in a cup and I am having an ultrasound this Wednesday.

It hurts to dance. I love to dance, I dance anytime I can. Right now I can’t and it makes me feel extremely vulnerable. And it also makes me think of The Killers song Human. I am a dancer and would like for this human “issue” to be resolved so I can be a dancer again.

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/656234769

Getting to know all about you

randomstringsofwords — Fri, 15 May 2009 04:26:59 +0000

Hilarious! It’s so funny listening to get to know you conversations. People’s same taught responses passed down through the years of brainwashed bliss. It’s crazy, certifiable actually. Straight jackets should be required, yet somehow these are the people that run this whole planet. It’s pretty fucking lame, I wish I could step inside their brains and poke around for a bit. Just long enough to find their little ‘get it’ switch and flip it.

So few of them get it. We are who we are, we can’t be anyone else. I know exactly what to tell you, but I choose to tell you what I’m thinking. I am going to love you for who you are because I have no use for anything else. I would like for you to do the same.

You can’t be that person who flips things to negative. If someone wants to attack you they will do it sooner or later. Whether it is psychological, physical and/or sexual is really the only mystery. They come in two forms and variations of both; the ones who are completely unaware of their actions and trapped in their immediate responses and/or mental illness and the ones who are fully aware of the impacts of their behavior.
The unaware have a tendency to react quickly, I don’t even like to start with these people. The plotters and planners take their time, and boy are they fun to play with – when they will actually play. I usually scare both types, the first immediately and the second after a few conversations. I’m a firm believer in stepping forward. A closed mind and lies make that an impossibility.

The good thing is that most often, these types of people get out of my face. I appreciate it for what it is. A gift. Unfortunately, it is also a huge curse. I relate to people in their sixties. I have always identified with adults. Now as an adult I am starting to notice the change in the atmosphere, balances in my life have shifted and I can relate to more people my age.

People completely stuck in patterns don’t usually understand me. They tend to be primarily straight, imagine that. I know I’m completely shocked that a straight person is incapable of stepping outside their little box to see the world for what it is. The differences are what make us beautiful. We should embrace the similarities and differences in others, not judge and ridicule. In a perfect world we would all have what we want. I do realize that this is not the case, but I do my part to ensure that it is around me. I like living in neutral territory. I didn’t even know it existed until I was 18.

Shake it.

randomstringsofwords — Tue, 12 May 2009 03:43:46 +0000

I shake. All the time. Every second of everyday my arms and legs shake. It is AWESOME in the sense that it completely sucks! It is a neurological condition called Essential Tremor, my father has it also. Every second/minute/hour/day/7 days a week/12 months a year/52 weeks a month/365 fucking days a year I shake. AWESOME.

I am not afraid of you, intimidated by you or feeling threatened in any manner.

I am not hungry, I am not overdosing on caffeine, I am not tweaking out on something you tweak on, I am not angry, nervous or scared. And nothing happened, I always shake like a leaf.

I do not tend to shake worse for any particular reason, sometimes it’s better sometimes it’s worse. Thank you for asking, I do appreciate the concern.

I love the fact that your mom used to get shaky if she didn’t have her daily coffee by ten o’clock. I am good. Thanks.

I am understandably bored with this conversation, so here it is short and sweet.

Musing

randomstringsofwords — Tue, 12 May 2009 02:44:17 +0000

I am a muse. I inspire positive people to be better than they think they are, to do the things they’ve been putting off and to right wrongs in their lives. I’ve had to do it for myself my entire life. I can absolutely say and do the right things, I can say the right things all day long. But no one has ever been able to give me a viable reason as to why I should do that when I want to do something else. It is more important to me to say what I think. And what I think, is absolutely beautiful. If you can love, you will love me. Now how you will love me remains to be determined. I only spend time on people I already like a lot. A LOT. I already know where I stand with you before we ever start. It’s where we land, but we can land at anytime.

I think lovely thoughts and I think them all day long. And it feels good. I feel good most (lately anyway) of the time. Why in the hell wouldn’t I be happy? I have helped inspire others to do some pretty great work in their lives and have been equally inspired.

*For the record because lacking information is no good: I’ve also driven some to do some truly crazy things when I absolutely knew better. I tend to make overly negative and insecure people horribly uncomfortable, I’m my own personal shit filter and it’s funny I like it.

I recognize my powers for what they are and I do my best to control it. (That requires a lot of masturbation). I only use my powers for good as far as sex is concerned. Sex should never be used as a weapon. It is cruel and unusual punishment.

Competition

randomstringsofwords — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:50:23 +0000

I am not competitive, I had that shit hammered out of me a long time ago. I have no use for pitting myself against other people. We all have skills and talents that make us unique individuals. I am a big believer in encouraging and celebrating the good differences in us all. We all have strengths and weaknesses that make us more or less effective for any given task. We could all utilize the people in our lives as resources for improvement and support. Unfortunately most people just use this information to sabotage others.

I will give you everything you need to take advantage of me. The only thing I want from you is to know for certain the type of person you truly are. Just show me what you will do.

I this, I that

randomstringsofwords — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:13:18 +0000

I am a compilation of my past.

I play the same record and get better with each spin.

I learn new things everyday that allow me to improve upon myself.

I rely on myself because I have learned repeatedly that I am always the reliable one.

I am exhausted, but I still strive to be the best me because I have no other way.

Hate & Anger vs Love & Passion

randomstringsofwords — Mon, 11 May 2009 19:48:21 +0000

Hate expressed in anger is hate. Love expressed in anger is passion.

Invalid emotions…

randomstringsofwords — Mon, 11 May 2009 19:45:21 +0000

Jealousy and hate are invalid emotions and should be processed accordingly.

The secret to staying AWESOME.

randomstringsofwords — Mon, 11 May 2009 19:43:02 +0000

Never leave your awesome with other people.